There’s this terrible rumor going around that once you turn a certain age, you stop being sexy. I know when I turned 50 I feared that my sex appeal and sensuality would decline like a steep cliff off the side of a mountain. I thought that second by second I was going to somehow transform into one of these elderly women who could never be seen as powerful, sexual, or feminine. So, ever the type A personality, I took it upon myself to research why women feel this way and if there was any truth to it. What I found was almost the exact opposite, that women over 55 are not only incredibly sexy, but many enjoy sex now more than ever.
Media and society constantly stereotype women, and in particular, women over 50, as unathletic, unsexual, or the worst of all “frigid”. If I never hear a woman described as frigid for the rest of my life it will be too soon! But when we look around we see that the world is filled with beautiful, strong, sexy women of all ages.
A quick google search of female celebrities over 55 offered results that absolutely delighted me. From Helen Mirren and Sandra Bullock to Angela Bassett, Shania Twain, and Halle Berry, there are mature, powerful, ultra-sexy 50-somethings everywhere! Yes, these women (celebrities) get a lot of help, but it made me understand, for the first time in my life, that age really ain't nothing but a number.
What The Facts Say
Although we can't change society, we can arm ourselves with the facts. Experts say that although our hormones decline, that doesn’t have a direct effect on libido, more often than not the biggest determinant in sexuality is simply being too busy.
The data is overwhelmingly clear that men and women are still interested in sex even in their 80s. The University of Michigan AARP polled people in their 50s and found that 91% of men and 86% of women were sexually active and that 33.33% of 50 years still have sex at least once a week. Knowing this can help shift our belief systems around sensuality as we mature. When we know that everyone in our age range feels this way, and continues to enjoy sex, it’s easier to feel confident and self-assured in our sexuality.
Get ready because we’re about to get intimate…
Female sexual wellness isn’t something that’s generally discussed, and for some, it can be embarrassing. However, it’s vital to push through the discomfort so that we know how to take our bodies best. As previously mentioned, estrogen doesn’t affect a women’s libido or desire for sex, there is a correlation between a decline in estrogen and vagina dryness and thinning vaginal walls, which may lead to uncomfortable or even painful sex.
To combat this, it’s important to have a lubricant, water-based lubricants are generally more natural and have fewer chemicals, but unrefined coconut oil, which has moisturizing properties is also amazing, especially for women going through menopause. Also, when in doubt, reach for sex toys! They’re fun, help keep things flowing, and can spice up even the longest marriage.
The more sex we have as we age, the healthier our vagina tissues are, and the easier and more enjoyable sex will be. So whether you have to schedule it, or want to explore something new, make it a priority. Your vagina will thank you!
What I Did To Feel Sexy
For me, I realized that the sexual part of me had been lost, or at least left dormant for far too time. I loved being a mother, but I looked up and realized I hadn’t really done anything that was just for me in years. I used to always feel innately sexy, but as I got older I realized I’d have to pay closer attention to the things that helped me remember my sex appeal.
I didn’t lose weight or try to change my appearance, I only incorporated actions, behaviors, and beliefs in my life that lit the spark and got me back in touch with my sensuality. Plus, as I was a semi-recent empty-nester, I began to see my kids' absence as an opportunity for spontaneity and exploration which in turn made me feel sexier than ever.
I Stopped Trying To Be Someone Else
As we get older, it’s easy to get wrapped up in what or who we wished we looked like. In the end, I realized I could only ever be me, and once I accepted that I started to love myself. I appreciate my body for all its beauty and its flaws. There’s so much we can love about ourselves, as everyone has unique attributes they can be grateful for.
Complimented Myself Out Loud
This may seem embarrassing, and honestly, it was at first, but starting my day off by looking in the mirror and saying things like “I look good” really made me feel sexy. It felt like the compliments seeped into my subconscious, even on days when I never got around to brushing my hair. So be it your eyes, your body, or your smile, try to say something nice about yourself each morning.
Dressed The Part
Now I’m not saying that you need to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. But I found that buying a new bra and pair of underwear allowed me to re-engage with my sensuality. When I’m wearing something sexy, even if no one sees it, I feel sexier. You may feel sexy when you try a new hairstyle, makeup look, or buy a new dress, remember there’s no wrong way to feel like your most beautiful, and sexual, self.
Sexy is a state of mind, and let me tell you, you absolutely can feel sexy, no matter your age, marital status, or number on a scale. Good luck!
